Phukher Interviews George "Shit Sack" Saint-os, grifter extraordinaire

The ultimate success of Faux News and proof that facts don't matter.

All persons fictitious disclaimer

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Any similarity between George "Shit Sack" Saint-os and George Santos, former Congressman from New York, is entirely coincidental.

Faux News

When Rupert Murdock started Fox News, he envisioned the network would become the mouthpiece for the American Aristocracy.

If the network could establish a collective identity for Republican voters, American Aristocrats could use the network to convince voters to support policies that benefitted the Aristocracy at everyone else’s expense.

It’s been wildly successful!

We took over!

Winners!

Since its launch, all socialist support has been removed from the populace and showered upon the aristocracy.

Whenever the rich are in trouble, they are bailed out with no consequences.

Whenever the poor are in trouble, the State comes down on them hard, both legally and financially.

"There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect."

Frank Wilhoit

Faux News popularised alternative facts, which is a fancy way of saying unsupported lies that aristocrats and politicians want voters to believe.

I live in a world of alternate facts. As my About page points out, “Everything you read here is devoid of fact but filled with Truth.“

It’s with great enthusiasm that I interview George "Shit Sack" Saint-os, grifter extraordinaire.

George "Shit Sack" Saint-os Background

We really don’t know much about George "Shit Sack" Saint-os, as his entire backstory is a work of fiction.

George "Shit Sack" Saint-os is a former member of the U.S. House of Representatives from New York's 3rd district.

During his campaign, he made numerous false statements, including the following:

1. Educational Background: Santos claimed to have graduated from Baruch College and to have received a degree from New York University. Both institutions confirmed that they have no record of his attendance or graduation.

2. Employment History: He claimed to have worked for Goldman Sachs and Citigroup, but both companies have no record of his employment.

3. Personal Wealth: Santos stated that he owned a number of properties and had considerable personal wealth. Investigations revealed that these claims were exaggerated or false.

4. Charitable Endeavors: He claimed to have run an animal charity, but there was no record of such a charity being registered or operational.

5. Family Background: Santos made claims about his family background, including his Jewish heritage and his grandparents fleeing the Holocaust, which were later contradicted by public records and family statements.

6. Criminal History: There were allegations that Santos had a criminal past in Brazil, which he initially denied but later acknowledged.

George "Shit Sack" Saint-os stands accused of twenty-three felonies here in the United States:

• Nine counts of wire fraud

• Three counts of money laundering

• Two counts of theft of public funds

• Two counts of making materially false statements to the House of Representatives

• One count of conspiracy to commit offenses against the United States

• One count of making false statements to the FEC

• Two counts of falsifying a record or document

• Two counts of aggravated identity theft

• One count of unlawful monetary transactions over $10,000

George "Shit Sack" Saint-os is the most successful grifter elected to the House or Representatives in recent history, and there is much competition in that regard:

1. Matthew Lyon (DR-VT): He was the first Congressman recommended for censure after an altercation involving spitting. Separately, he was found guilty of violating the Alien and Sedition Acts and sentenced to four months in jail in 1798, during which he was re-elected.

2. Robert Smalls (R-SC): He was charged with accepting a $5,000 bribe in relation to a government printing contract in 1877 and found guilty. However, he was pardoned in 1879.

3. Duke Cunningham (R-CA): Convicted in 2006 for mail fraud and federal official bribery in what became known as the Cunningham scandal.

4. William J. Jefferson (D-LA): In 2009, he was found guilty of federal official bribery, wire fraud, violating the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act, and RICO offenses in a high-profile corruption case.

5. James Traficant (D-OH): Convicted in 2002 of federal official bribery and gratuity, conspiracy to defraud the United States, and RICO violations.

Trigger Warning

The following interview is raw and uncensored. Foul language abounds.

[Phukher Tarlson] Thank you for granting my interview request. With your hasty departure from the House of Representatives, you didn’t make any statements. How do you feel today?

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] I feel fabulous. I intend to parlay this opportunity and raise more money. Donald “Dickless” Chump showed how successful that gambit can be.

[Phukher Tarlson] Wonderful. Yes, prior to Donald “Dickless” Chump’s humiliating defeat in 2020, whenever a politician lost or was forced out of office, it was nearly impossible to raise more money. He blazed a new trail.

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] He was my role model. He demonstrated the power of ridiculous lies to attract attention, which is the only currency that matters in modern elections.

[Phukher Tarlson] What was your approach to lying in your campaign?

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] I gave each lie a great deal of thought and consideration. I was always troubled by Chump’s shotgun approach. He was more of a bullshitter who didn’t care about his lies. I preferred a more targeted approach, carefully choosing my lies for specific effects.

[Phukher Tarlson] Can you provide an example of a targeted lie?

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] Sure. I wanted voters to believe I have tremendous financial acumen. I hoped this would fend off investigations into my shady financial dealings.

I said I graduated from Baruch College because it is particularly well-known for its strong business programs. It houses the Zicklin School of Business, which is highly regarded for its undergraduate and graduate business courses.

I built on that lie by saying I worked for Goldman Sachs and Citigroup, two of the most respected financial firms in New York City.

[Phukher Tarlson] Weren’t you afraid you would be caught? Those lies are easily uncovered.

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] I wasn’t concerned. I could always say that the truth is fake news. Dickless Trump proved that works beautifully, assuming you’re Republican and the Faux News network stands behind you.

[Phukher Tarlson] Very true. I helped promote many of his lies. Which lie were you most proud of during your campaign?

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] I was particularly proud of the lies about being Jewish and having grandparents that survived the holocaust.

There are many Jewish voters in my district who typically vote Democrat.

I was able to siphon votes away from my opponent and simultaneously generate great support and sympathy as a multi-generate holocaust survivor.

I believe that lie, more than any other, helped me win the election.

[Phukher Tarlson] Why did you claim to run an animal charity?

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] First, running any charity looks good to voters. But I didn’t want to pick a niche charity like special needs. Retards don’t vote.

According to the American Pet Products Association (APPA), the percentage of U.S. households owning a pet has been growing steadily, with estimates suggesting that around 67% of American households, or about 85 million families, owned a pet. This was a notable increase from previous years.

By selecting animal charities, I was able to reach a broader and more diverse voter block and get sympathy from them. I believe it made them more inclined to vote for me.

[Phukher Tarlson] Your victory was a surprise in a district that reliably votes Democrat. Do you believe Republicans will win there again?

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] I would like to run again as a Republican to raise more money that I can abscond with. I can’t say that I care if a Republican wins.

If I can’t run, it really depends on whether or not they can find someone who can lie as effectively as I did.

I don’t believe any Republican can win on their merits, particularly not in that district.

I know the entire right-wing bullshit machine will be operating at full strength to attempt to recapture my seat, particularly now that they know the voters are stupid enough to fall for it.

[Phukher Tarlson] Do you feel any regret or remorse over the lies?

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] No. I got what I wanted. I was an extremely effective liar.

My only regret is that I couldn’t come up with even more outrageous lies to cover up the old ones.

I have to acknowledge Dickless Chump’s greatness in that regard.

He’s actually telling voters he intends to become a dictator, pardon himself of all crimes, and pardon anyone who helps him.

Although, I suppose I can’t really call that a lie. It’s more of a boldly spoken Truth that’s so outrageous that Republican voters love it.

I wish I had such a creative mind.

[Phukher Tarlson] Perhaps he will pardon you if he wins.

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] I would appreciate that. I would suck his tiny cock if it would get me out of my legal jam and put me in a position to steal more money.

[Phukher Tarlson] Have you considered working in right-wing media? They can always use a talented liar with name recognition.

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] I’ve reached out to Roger Stone and Michael Flynn. They are both completely amoral, and they have many connections in the right-wing underworld. I believe I’ve proven my skills as a liar.

[Phukher Tarlson] I would offer to introduce you to the Faux News staff, but Rupert Murdock and his incompetent son just betrayed me, so I can’t be of much help there.

[George "Shit Sack" Saint-os] No worries, Phukher. Being interviewed by a true dark arts master like you is an endorsement that will help me raise money in the future, which is what I really need right now.

Thank you.

[Phukher Tarlson] Thank you. I appreciate the praise from such a gifted grifter.

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Nonsense is the Privilege of the Aristocracy.

Sieg Heil,

Phukher Tarlson